I can’t wait for alisons Fridy night to just hve a much needed girls night, girls need those nights every once in a while and I have been needing them. A lot lately.
Im scared
I’m scared that I won’t ever feel like I did with you with someone else for a really long time. I feel like I’ll never find someone like you and that I’ll never be ae to open my self up again like I did
to you. I’m just so scared of getting close to anyone and the past few months I haven’t even been able to think about talking to other guys because it feels way too weird for me and u know I wouldn’t be able to get close to then because of this huge guard I now will have. I told you everything about me and even the thing that only you and Julia know. and the thing I told you about my cousin that only you know. Not even Julia or anyone in my family.I wish you were talking to me so I can tell you everything I’ve been holding in. If you talked to me, you would know that I did what I promised you I would never do again because i felt so low, and I haven’t told anyone. You would know that my family has gone through a lot with everything recently including what happened to my sister. You’d know jade talked to me. You’d know that I really want to be genuinely happy but I don’t know how. I hate talking to people about how I feel because I want to seem strong and I alsofeel like no one understands or cares and thinks I’m just dramatic. You’re the only one I could really talk to about anything and now it just sucks
37293.) You’re going to try to take advantage of me again, and just like always I’m going to let you. I’ll tell myself that it’s different this time or that you’ve changed. When people ask why I let this happen, I’ll tell them that you don’t mean to do it, that it’s my fault not yours. I will wait up for your calls and let my mind wander about our future. Then one day you’ll get bored with me and disappear, just like every time before. And I’ll tell myself that this was the final straw. But we’ll both know that I don’t mean it. I never mean it.
